***GOALS***

Goals for Meditation

I have to admit, meditation is something new to me that I never considered doing. I am usually pretty good at taking my stress and using it for me instead of against me. Prayer is one way that i cope with stress because sometimes talking to family and friends isn't helpful, so I rely on the one who created me to assist me in my journey. I also thought that by meditating, I was converting to some other religion or becoming something I never wanted to be but that is the complete opposite of what it truly is. My goals for the next few weeks of meditating are that I hope to be more open minded about the idea of coming to calm and not that I have to give myself up to some other power, but to simply train myself to focus my mind and body. That's it. No strings attached. I simply am focusing my mind and conditioning myself to be okay with my brain, my thoughts and myself in the pure quietness of everything!

***REFLECTIONS***

1-22-14

   I have some mixed feelings about class today and how we meditated because I am not sure if this is something I can do, or if it is even something that I want to do. I don't know the "rules" of what I'm supposed to be thinking or doing, but as the class went on, I found that other students had the same questions as I did. I guess that's what makes us IB kids because we all ask too many questions and think too much when really we should just do. While closing my eyes, my thoughts began to wander in all different directions about what I am going to do after school, and even the next week. I hope as these weeks go on I will be able to just take 10 minutes out without having to think about any of that.


1-25-14

  Today was a perfect day for me to just sit and be calm. No one was home, the snow was falling and it looked so beautiful outside. The only thing that was making noise in my house was my dog when he saw a squirrel but other than that, it was very peaceful in my home. I thought, "hey, i can take 15 minutes out of today just to sit and meditate," when I actually sat for a half hour in my window sill, looking out at the snow, not thinking, but watching. It felt good to not worry about homework or when my next show is coming on Tv was. Just looking at the beauty of this season and the blanket of white covering the ground made me appreciate everything I have more. I'm not really sure if that's what I was supposed to be doing or not, but either way, it alleviated the everyday stress life has for me!

1-28-14
  
  

Yet again, another snow day! While meditating today, I found some awesome music on YouTube that put me in a calm mood. I sat down on my couch and as time went on I found myself curled up in a ball and my eyes closed. Before I came home, I was working with my dad at his pharmacy and it was not the best time. I messed up some of the deliveries and I also made some other mistakes, (thank God it wasn’t too bad) so when I came home I was in an aggravated mood. But once I put on music, my mood shifted and I didn’t think about what happened at work. The night was getting late and it was time to do my homework before school tomorrow so I did not want to meditate for long, but I couldn’t uncurl from my ball I was in. It was so comfortable and it felt like a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders that I was able to relax and focus my mind on being calm. I did not want to start any of my homework, but I finally got off the couch and started to read my book for English. Now, I am not a big reader and I don’t usually sit down and read for fun, but when I picked up my English book, I literally couldn’t put it down. Something about my attitude after being so calm was that I really didn’t care if I liked the book or not, it was just a matter of understanding the text, and moving onto the next assignment. Where I usually procrastinate my homework for about 5 hours or more, the book plus my other class work took me 2 hours max to finish. I focused my mind on what I had to do and got it done.

1-29-14
      

    WOW. I'm speechless about these snow days. I kind of want to go to school because I don't know what’s going on in some of my classes! Today I didn’t want to put any music on because I just wanted to sit on my family room floor and be in silence. I closed the blinds, turned off all the lights, and just sat still. I was trying not to think about anything and just focus my mind, but I couldn’t stop thinking about the events planned later in the day. I’m still trying to keep an open mind about meditation but for the first few minutes my mind was everywhere. After a while I just gave up and told myself that if my mind wants to be quiet, then it will, if not, then I’ll try again tomorrow. By the time I hit maybe the 10 minute mark, I realized the only thing on my mind was summer and when I’m on my boat at the cottage. I absolutely love boat rides because that is where my own meditation happens. It seems weird that I’m calm around a loud engine from the boat and the sound of kids screaming from the tube rides, but it actually puts me at ease the most. I pictured myself f closing my eyes and listening to the waves and to the sound of the boats hitting the water. When I’m on the lake, my mind is completely still and there are no worries whatsoever. While mediating on my floor, I was thinking of those times and how they put me at simplicity and focus my mind very well.

1-31-14

   After school on Friday I came home and tried to meditate but I just couldn't I tried for the longest time to keep my eyes shut but they wouldn't stay closed. I don't know why! I was calm, I was aware of my body, and I was peaceful. I tried the method that Mr. Dean talked to us about, starting by being cognitive of our body and the placement of everything on ourselves. That part was fine for me, I just felt unfocused and I couldn't sit still for even 10 minutes. So I gave it another shot right before I went to bed, and I felt so much better. I was able to meditate for longer than earlier and also I was able to start focusing on my breathing. I could feel my heart beat racing really fast whenever I thought about something important I had to get done and then I could actually calm my heart down. It started to slow down when I took deeper breathes and I was able to take my mind off of unnecessary things.

2-1-14
 
    This morning when I woke up, i noticed how absolutely amazing I slept! Meditating right before I go to bed can either be bad, since I might fall asleep, or good because I got a great amount of sleep. I felt so refreshed in the morning and wasn't as sore as I usually am from working out. I don't really know if that has anything to do with the fact that I meditated or got a good nights sleep, but still! It was one of the best nights of sleep I've gotten in a while.

   My family all left for a school event so I got to stay home and I figured this would be a good time to meditate. This is the first time I used a candle while meditating because my mom thinks I'll forget to blow it out when I'm done. But she wasn't home so I used it! It's already dark outside so when I turned off the lights, the candle was the only thing I could see. I played some soft music and began to focus my mind. At first I started to pray and talk to God about stuff happening in my life right now. I praised him for who is he and I also asked for prayer request to heal people in my life that I know are sick. After I prayed I sat on the floor and let my mind wander where ever it wanted to go. I actually didn't think or worry about anything at all. I wasn't thinking about what I have to do tonight or tomorrow, but nothing else exciting happened to me. I guess that's a start to where I am headed with this. Nothing major happened today that was super cool but at least it was better than yesterday after school.

2-4-14

So you know how sometimes when you sit in class, or work, you accidentally day dream...but after you wake up from it you don’t even remember what you were day dreaming about? That’s kind of how it went today when I meditated. I realized that I wasn't really thinking about anything at all. At first I started to think about my day and how everything went, and then I was like, “Jessica, just stop thinking for a second.” Obviously that didn't do anything because I kept thinking and getting distracted, but after a while I wasn't even thinking about my past or future. I was in the moment, and I let my body do what it wanted to. I could feel the heaviness of my head on my shoulders and it was cool because I never really pay attention to that. But I have been becoming more aware of different aspects of my body as these days go on. 

2-6-14

 I wanted to focus more on the aspect of praying and mediating today. So what I did was take some time after school and working out to meditate for a little bit. I kind of felt like nothing was happening to my body except that I felt very calm. I know that’s the object of meditation and trying to be okay with sitting in your quietness, but I felt like something was missing. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love this whole unit and I am so happy that I got to learn so much about meditating, but I still felt like something was missing. I meditated for about 20 minutes (not sure the exact time) and after that I just sat and thought to myself about how that is different and the same from praying. While meditating, it’s like your focusing you mind and body on being tranquil and living stress.

    After I did some homework, I switched gears and prayed for a little bit!  With praying, I did the same thing and same strategies as meditating except I actually talk to someone as well! I think that it is so cool how both relate to one another and I love how I can use these mediating strategies for when I m praying as well. I feel like I actually can see a difference when I pray though because I am talking to someone and building a relationship with the one who created me! While praying, I also feel like it doesn’t just benefit me, but it also benefits God as well. When I meditated today, yes, all of my stress disappeared for a moment and even possibly a few weeks, but when I pray, God can help my anytime, any day. 

2-7-14

So today is Friday! And this whole week in psych has been probably the best week ever because I love all of these inspirational talks we have. I 100% agree with everything Mr. Russell says and my classmates about stress and creating your own reality, ect… I have been trying to work on the competition part and not try to compare myself to others when it comes to school, sports, and other activities. I have learned throughout high school that there will always be someone one step ahead of you or better than you at something, but it’s how you see yourself in that situation that matters. If I am improving my skills in any task I do, then that’s all the matters to me. Now for the meditation part, I have taken into consideration of what we talked about for the ACT. I am supposed to take it tomorrow for the second time and I am going to be using some strategies we talks about in class. While I was meditating, I was going through the steps of how I am going to approach this ACT. I know while meditating I should be thinking of nothing and finding inner peace but I thought that since I am already calm right now, I will think about how I am going to attack this test. Since I was already calm, it allowed my mind to come up with simple steps and recall what I heard in class. I am simply going to get lots of sleep, wake up and eat a healthy breakfast, and go into the test still with the attitude of, “Let’s just take the test, be done with it, find out my score, and take it again then next time.” This helped my nerves go way down because the first time I took the test I had lots of butterflies in my stomach. This time it was like I've taken the test a million times because I was calm going into and I continues with my day after. That meditation was by far very helpful because it allowed me to control my mind and emotion when taking a test or preparing for it. 

2-8-14

I honestly had such a good day today! After meditating yesterday and controlling my body to be peaceful and think about how I would approach the ACT, I was able to use that method this morning. What I have learned throughout this whole experience is that it is not hard to get your mid to do something or train your body to do a certain activity. If you focus and really set out what you want your ending point to look like, the process should be a success. For the first time, I was able to actually control how I wanted to see myself through a certain process and what I wanted my outcome to look like. Even if I do not get the score I want, I am going to shake it off and try again next time. It’s not the end of the world. Sometimes in my life I have to sit down and ask myself, “What is the worst part of my life, Jessica.” And I tell myself the worst part is that I’m struggling in a certain task or my dog is sick, then I think I have it pretty good. I have to appreciate my life more because there are people who don’t have it as good as me. If my worst fear right now is getting a good score on the Act, then life is good. So kids don’t even have the opportunity to take this test. So from now on, I have a new way of thinking. I need to remember that my worst, is always someone’s best. 

2-9-14

I actually did not have a chance to sit and meditate  yesterday from running around after the test trying to get Junior Formal decoration ready, so on Sunday I focused more on my time of meditation. I reflected on how I was proud of myself for being able to alter my mind and it is just so amazing that even at 16, I can already train my mind to something I want it to do. If I didn't even take this class, I may have not figured this out until college or even after. I have started to learn self-control and not in just the way where your teacher tells you to settle down in class. But the way where I know I have a lot to do, and I know my life gets busy, but now I have the tools and the strength to change my outlook.

2-10-14

   Something that I though was really interesting while I was meditating today is what I started to think about in the process. This certain situation reminded me of my own and how I never would have been able to come at peace with myself at a different level if I never took this class, except this example is pretty extreme. While I was sitting in science, I let my mind wander off and the first thing I thought of was this book that my mom told me about. This teenage girl was swimming in a lake with her friends and decided to jump off of the dock, but ended up being paralyzed from a bad landing in the water. The only thing that was working was her head. Everything from her neck done was completely disabled. For years she tried to function again and get back to her life but with many more complications. She knew that she could never be able to do the activities she wanted to before, but she took what she was able to do, and used it for her benefit. One day, she sat down and decided to play with a pencil and paper, but since she couldn't use the pencil with her hand, she used it with her mouth. The hardest part that she had to learn how to train herself to do, was keep calm. If she was shaking or tensed in her jaw, it would show in her drawing. This relates to our studies of meditation because if we aren't calm, then its hard to get into the habit of mediation and controlling

your body. These are some of the drawings she did using only her mouth and a pencil

It’s pretty incredible to think that a woman, who has a much harder life than I do, still found joy in something she took part in. And its also amazing how she can do this with her mouth! I can barely draw with my hands. She either could have looked at this situation and told herself she would give up on everything just because she didn't "fit it" anymore, but she took what she could do and used it to her advantage. If she never had that swimming accident she may have never discovered her talent of drawing with her mouth! If I never took this psych class, or was even open-minded about meditation, I would have never learned so much about mind-body connection. I look up to her because sometimes it’s hard for me to find joy in my life, even though I have it pretty good. So after sitting in silence, I decided to pray and ask God to forgive me when I complain about my life and when I seem to lose track of what’s really important. 

2-11-14

   Something very interesting that I never thought about before was that when I pray, I usually start off by thanking God and praising him and I also ask him to forgive me for my sins, etc.… But when I pray for a long time, I start to drift off into time and think about something completely different. During church yesterday morning, don’t get me wrong I love my pastor, but I think about so many other things (I know Mr. Russell hates that word) in my life and I just can’t seem to be in the moment. Same goes for when I’m meditating. My mind always seems to wander. There have been some really good days where I can sit in my own presence and really feel myself becoming one with my surroundings and my own thoughts. But of course, my thoughts start thinking about all the other random activities I have to do. Even when this psych class is over, I hope to continue meditating and focus my mind even more. I want to have that “ah ha” moment where everything makes sense with meditation. Today I did not research that goal while meditating, but that’s okay because I have to learn how to do it and it won’t just happen when I want it to

2-12-14

     Going to the yoga class today was an amazing experience. I never got the chance to take yoga for myself, so I’m glad a got a little sneak peak of what the class is like. More importantly, I experienced something I never had before. I found out about how my body actually does talk to me and it will give me signals about what’s hurting me or where I’m sore. I learned that I can hold a standing tree position and I even got the crow position on the first try! I got really excited J Sometimes it’s good to take it back to the basics. If someone has been playing soccer for so long, trapping, dribbling and passing our second nature techniques, but it’s about the basics that matters. We teach step by step and how to properly approach the ball.  Same idea here. With meditating, we don’t just say, “Alright, go to your happy place right now and reach nirvana in 10 minutes.” That’s not how it works for some people.

The best part that I loved how Mrs. G explained it, was letting go of competition and judgmental thoughts. Throughout life and especially high school, everything seems to be a completion between school, sports, and even beating someone to the front of the line at the snack bar. I have to except the fact that it will take me longer to grasp the concept of meditation and focusing my mind and body. I already have improve because I learned so much about my body I just a few weeks then I ever have from volleyball and soccer